I'm so happy to be here today--I want to thank everyone who came to support the Women's Resource of Greater Houston. I also want to thank co-chairs, Marcia Harris and Margaret Miller, who are dear friends and did a terrific job of putting this together. And, I especially want to recognize Robbie Blanton for the great job she and her team are doing for so many women and children.

Today, I'm going to talk about the "C" word. CHANGE! We've been hearing a lot about Change--with a Capital C--throughout this long Presidential campaign season.

Now, I'm not running for office, but I am going to offer my perspective on change--about second acts and new beginnings; about changing challenges into opportunities; and about the fact that change--as the sign reads over my mother's desk--is often desirable, frequently necessary, and always inevitable!

Change in our lives is like music-every few years we get a new beat, new lyrics, and new memories.

"Big Girls Don't Cry" was my favorite song when I was about 14. I don't know why I liked it so much-it might have been the result of my mother's operating philosophy. She believed that if you weren't bleeding profusely and still mobile you were fine. Or she'd say, "It's far from your heart." Anyway, she taught me that I shouldn't complain, I should finish what I started, and that I could do anything. The worst that could happen was that I might fail. But even then, I could try again.

And, try, try again I did! Like many of you, I was among a generation of girls who didn't get any career advice. We just had to figure it out. In the early 70s, the options were teacher, nurse, secretary, or, of course, you could get married. And, I didn't see myself getting married right away.

My grandfather used to say that I changed jobs every six months. And, that's true! I produced television commercials, worked as a waitress, had a semi-recurring role on "One Life to Live," was a professional dog walker, and worked for DC comics as Wonder Woman during the year Lynda Carter launched the TV show.

I made appearances at the toy shows, fairs, and custom car and RV shows. My mother asked if I couldn't find something more dignified, but I always thought someday my children would love to hear about the year I spent in a bathing suit with spangles, high boots, and ruby red gloves. The truth is- they couldn't care less!

Fast forward to today and here I am on the heels of celebrating my ninth anniversary with my husband Steve. I have two girls who are now in college; two stepchildren who are married, and six grandchildren who hopefully will always remember me as semi-young. And, today is my Dad's 81st birthday!

It's been a long road getting to where I am right now. And, it's hard to believe how fast time has flown. Especially my Houston years. I'm not a native, but I really consider Houston home. This city has been a big part of my evolution.

And aren't we evolving all the time? At least we should be! I recall a story written by Susan Crandall, who used to have a big job as editor-in-chief of More magazine. She said that when she quit her big job, she also downsized her attitude. She gave up her old definition of herself and created a new one from scratch.

My friend, Margaret, has a favorite greeting card that pictures a girl walking toward a fork in the road. One sign says "Your life. " The other says, "No longer an Option."

It's time for us to take that fork in the road even though we may not know exactly what's ahead.

As millions of us so-called boomer women restructure our lives, we will be flinging open doors and shutting others. We have more resources than ever before: money, education, and the seasoning that comes from raising children and pursuing careers. Middle age will never be the same, and we cannot run, hide, or escape from the power of the changes it will bring, or that we can create.

Many books talk about the power of change. Yet, there is little written about how a changed life changes you. One change inevitably leads to another. You fall in love when you thought that phase of life was over. You lose weight. You find a new hobby. You discover a passion you never knew you had. You suddenly notice things. And, you can invite change into your life and opportunities will pop up like flowers in the spring.

I have six ideas about how to invite change. They're not rocket science, and the first is rather obvious--but not always easy:

1. Try something new!

As we get older, our worlds get smaller. We need to remember to get out of the old patterns and experience new things. Look at former President George Bush. At the age of 80 he jumped out of an airplane. The man went skydiving!! And he's going to do it again. We all need to find our own plane to jump out of.

Sometimes we wake up one morning, and new finds us. My friend, Andrea White, says one day she was just home working on writing her books and the next day she was a Mayor's wife with all that accompanied it. She had some decisions to make. But one thing she said was that before those decisions, there was the excitement and chaos that turns your stomach upside down. That is the exhilaration of something new. Don't you want to feel it again, and again?

Second idea--Put money in its place.

Sometimes, the more you earn, the more you have to worry about. When you make good financial choices, then you'll be able to enjoy the freedom that gives you. If you don't know much about budgets or banking or investing, take a class, ask questions--but learn.

I saw a great bumper sticker that read, "A man is not a financial plan." That's very true and very telling from a practical standpoint. Ladies, we outlive men-that's a fact. That's a change we have to be ready for. On top of that, according to Consuelo Mack, the host of Consuelo Mack Wealthtrack, women are consistently better investors than men. So, put your money to work and learn how to make more and manage it.

As it's said, you can't follow your dreams if you can't pay for the gas!

Third idea--Learn to say no.

One of the things I hear all the time from my friends is how overextended they feel. Saying no is a discipline-but it frees you to do things you want - like having lunch or taking a walk with a friend; or volunteering, or making a lovely meal for your family.

It's amazing, but learning to say no is really a way of learning to say yes!

Some of you probably buy Laura Mercier beauty products. Well, our very own Houstonian, Janet Gurwitch created that brand, and built it from scratch to a multi-million dollar company. After years at Neiman Marcus, Janet saw a niche in the cosmetic industry for a high end product. So she said "no more" to a high paying, prestigious and secure career to say "yes" to try and make it as an entrepreneur.

She ate, slept and breathed growing her company. She sacrificed a marriage along the way. Eight years later she had an opportunity to sell the business, which she did. And four months ago she resigned as CEO. Why? "I had founder's disease," Janet told me. "I just couldn't work as an employee in the company I created."

By saying no to that opportunity, she said yes to her next chapter.

The fourth idea--Let go.

Recently, I was in NYC, and took our dogs, Otis and Jack, to the groomers. They were staying with our daughter, Stacy, and her children while Steve and I went to Washington for the weekend. Otis is 8 and a little overweight. Jack is young and sleek. When we landed Friday afternoon, I called Stacy to ask how the dogs were doing. Fine, she replied. Happy as clams with the kids. How's Otis, I asked? Does he look slimmer?

Ellen, Stacy said, you took him to the groomer-not a magician.

We'd all like a magician or fairy godmother to wave a magic wand and sort out our troubles, help us to let go and get over things. We all wish that when things are bad we could wipe the slate clean and start fresh. But we know that life doesn't work like that. Your baggage comes with you. It might be Louis Vuitton or a paper bag, but it's our baggage to put in its place or put away for good.

We have to let go of old petty grievances, and let go of old frustrations and definitions of ourselves if we're going to let in change and growth.

Idea # 5-Be kind.

Women are notoriously hard on themselves. Madeleine Albright says there's a special place in hell reserved for women who aren't nice to each other. So be kind to yourself and other women.

Actually, part of the problem is that women traditionally are unwilling to ask for help. But you would be amazed at how many people are out there for you. I have made lifelong friends because I offered to help when I knew they needed a boost. It doesn't have to be taking a friend to chemo; although I've done that.

It can be as simple as sending a note or a book if they're down. It's just taking the time to think about others. And you'll be amazed. It does feel better to give than receive.

And number 6--Make time for making fun!

We get so busy doing that we forget to carve out time for fun. The next chapter in your changing life is about you. Being a work in progress is a terrific thing. It doesn't tie you down.

Dana Buchman, the clothing designer, was recently told that after being the head of her own label for more than 25 years the brand was shutting down. In an email, she wrote me: "I guess I'm in phase 2 of my adult life--and am pretty excited about it! I am taking meditation classes, reading, and looking at the world with fresh eyes."

In February, I went to hear Diana Ross give her first speech in Houston. It was great to see and hear a musical legend talk about her life. She said she was nervous about doing something different and that her daughter had called and said, "Mom, just have fun, you'll be fine."

She was more than fine-she was very inspiring with some great tips to offer us.

She urged us to define our goals, use our imagination, ask questions, have the courage to act, listen to the hunch because opportunity knocks quietly, speak from the heart, and of course, as her daughter reminds us, Have Fun!

Fun is freedom-to not have a schedule, to redo your calendar, to clean the files and bookshelves and make space for something new-none of which you could have done with a prearranged game plan.

You probably have your own ideas on how to make every day a new beginning. It's not that we all of a sudden have an "ah ha" moment. The trick is to realize that we are in an ever-evolving universe and there's no reason to be afraid of it. In the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt from his first inaugural address, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

It takes a certain kind of courage, determination and self-reliance to change your lifestyle and start your second, third, even fourth acts.

True, timing can be everything. How many of you have had experiences that just seem to be so synchronistic that you marvel? Those perfect days when everything goes just right. And the flip side-those days where everything goes wrong and you do wish you'd stayed in bed. One minute we're on cloud nine and the next we're devastated. Life is a lot of what if's and timing.

You can lay out your future and then fate walks in and changes everything. That sure happened to me.

I had been divorced for six years, a single parent with two young daughters. I had moved from my home in Colorado to Florida to be closer to my mother. Life was challenging. But I had chosen it. I loved our new house and the school my girls attended; and I was living in a supportive environment for the first time in 10 years.

I was dating, but most of the men I met either weren't interested in children, or had some from their own bad marriages. I had resigned myself to the fact that the timing wasn't right and probably wouldn't be until the girls went to college. Then a friend called and asked if I would go on a blind date that summer with a man who had lost his wife. This was in March. I said sure, and promptly forgot about it.

In June, she called and said, "July 19th." I said, "Excuse me?" She said. That man. The date. July 19th. My house. Dinner--that is how she speaks. I said ok. And my friend, said, " Ellen , you don't throw this one away."

That night changed my life. If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't be here now. She introduced me to Steve, and I did not throw him away.

Some will say that marriage is hard, but it's really a piece of cake if you understand the rules. Most men like to eat, work, sleep, and have sex-and not necessarily in that order! They don't like crying. My husband, who is a lawyer, will discuss anything, as long as I'm calm. Steve doesn't do tears. Most men don't.

But without a doubt, marriage is a big change. Children are a big change. Yet the biggest change, the one we're never prepared for but that inevitably comes to us all, is loss and grief. I never expected my sister, Carol, to die at the age of 50 from breast cancer.

It will be four years next week. She was a photojournalist in the Middle East for Newsweek magazine during the 80's and early 90's. Her beat was the Arab world and terror.

Besides being a woman in a place where women were traditionally not welcome, she generally worked alone-just her and her camera bags in some of the most dangerous and inhospitable places in the world.

Carol's book, "Danger Pay," will be published by UT Press this fall. I'd like to read you one paragraph from the chapter called, "Travels in Sudan." It was written after she found out that she had the Newsweek cover for a story on Terror, and after she was told that a young relief worker who had escorted her around for a few days had been killed.

I leave you with Carol's thoughts about change and life.

"I think about the waves of emotion I've muddled through over the years. I think about the moments I've been proud of overcoming fears, staying with something those extra few minutes, trying my best to offer love-unpublished moments. I think about the choices I've made and wonder how it might have been different. I think about how I've changed and wonder whether anyone noticed. I think about these things and know that I want someone to speak about what I still hoped for rather than what I did; not about who I was, but rather that I cherished the adventure of trying to become. And if I seemed stubborn or selfish, or headstrong, mention that I was not afraid of death, but of drifting into nothingness, of living my life within the static frame of society's image."

Embrace the changes. Create the changes. Go out and truly live your life. Thank you all.

copyright 2008: Ellen Susman Enterprises